How sweet is this bumper sticker!!!

I think an even better version of this would be "1-800-KISS-MY-REAREND".
I'm having this warm and fuzzy feeling, like maybe we (USA of course) should bomb the hell out of someone or something?!?!?!

Peace out, and God bless the USA (Well, except for the freakin' GAS PRICES!!!!!!)

I hope it's not this bad..............

(This is hilarious - some people were offended!) This is the message from the Pacific Palisades High School (California).
The entire staff voted unanimously to record this message on their school telephone answering machine. This is the actual answering machine message for the school.
This came about because they implemented a policy requiring students and parents to be responsible for their children's absences and missing homework. The school and teachers are being sued by parents who want their children's failing grades changed to passing grades - even though those children were absent 15-30 times during the semester and did not complete enough schoolwork to pass their classes. The outgoing message:
"Hello! You have reached the automated answering service of
your school. In order to assist you in connecting to the right
staff member, please listen to all the options before making a
selection:

* To lie about why your child is absent - Press 1

* To make excuses for why your child did not do his work - Press
2
* To complain about what we do - Press 3

* To swear at staff members - Press 4

* To ask why you didn't get information that was already enclosed
in your newsletter and several flyer's mailed to you - Press 5

* If you want us to raise your child - Press 6

* If you want to reach out and touch, slap or hit someone - Press
7

* To request another teacher, for the third time this year - Press 8

* To complain about bus transportation - Press 9

* To complain about school lunches - Press 0

* If you realize this is the real world and your child must be accountable and responsible for his/her own behavior, class work, homework and that it's not the teachers' fault for your child's lack of effort: Hang up and have a nice day!

*If you want this in Spanish, you must be in the wrong country.

********************************************************************

This actually makes me wonder about our educational system. Now I know that I haven't had the wonderful experience of Lilly being in school yet, but it's coming. If this was an actual message that I had heard, especially if I had a serious question about my child, I might be tempted to stomp someone a new one!!! I understand why some schools (well, OK, ALL schools) might feel this way but it's know reason to get rude about it. What I mean is, I understand that it's not the school's job to raise our kids but I think they have a lot to do with it. It's absolutely not their fault for someone being a bad parent and not raising their kids to have what I call "common sense". I do think that it should be the school's responsibility to at least try and do a better job of communicating these problems. You know, try something new maybe!!

All in all, I could go on complaining about this for hours, but I'm not going to. I just want to say that I know that school's do a lot of positive things for kids and teenagers, but doing something like this is JUST the reason why I think it's gotten worse over the years. I want the best for my child and I know most others do as well.

Have some fun with this.....

QUESTIONS THAT HAUNT ME????

1. Can you cry under water?
2. How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
3. Why do you have to “put your two cents in”, but it’s only a “penny for your thoughts”? Where’s that extra penny going to?
4. Once you’re in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
5. Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
6. What disease did cured ham actually have?
7. How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
8. Why is it that people say they “slept like a baby” when babies wake up like every two hours?
9. If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
10. Why are you IN a movie, but you’re ON TV?
11. Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
12. Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They’re going to see you naked anyway.
13. Why is “bra” singular and “panties” plural?
14. Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
15. If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?
16. Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
17. If the professor on Gilligan’s Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can’t he fix a hole in a boat?
18. If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn’t he just buy dinner?
19. If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
20. If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
21. Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
22. Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
23. Why do they call it an asteroid when it’s outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it’s in your butt?
24. Do you ever wonder why you gave me your e-mail address in the first place?



You know, I really try to think shit up to write instead of blogging this stuff, but what I really have to say is just so much more depressing. This is much funner!!!

This one is not all that funny, but I truly found it interesting.



THE GINGHAM DRESS A lady in a faded gingham dress and her husband, dressed in a homespun threadbare suit, stepped off the train in Boston, and walked timidly without an appointment into the Harvard University President's outer office.



The secretary could tell in a moment that such backwoods, country hicks had no business at Harvard & probably didn't even deserve to be in Cambridge.



"We'd like to see the president," the man said softly.



"He'll be busy all day," the secretary snapped.



"We'll wait," the lady replied.



For hours the secretary ignored them, hoping that the couple would finally become discouraged and go away.



They didn't, and the secretary grew frustrated and finally decided to disturb the president, even though it was a chore she always regretted.



"Maybe if you see them for a few minutes, they'll leave," she said to him!



He sighed in exasperation and nodded. Someone of his importance obviously didn't have the time to spend with them, and he detested gingham dresses and homespun suits cluttering up his outer office.



The president, stern faced and with dignity, strutted toward the couple.



The lady told him, "We had a son who attended Harvard for one year. He loved Harvard. He was happy here. But about a year ago, he was accidentally killed.



My husband and I would like to erect a memorial to him, somewhere on campus."



The president wasn't touched. He was shocked.



"Madam," he said, gruffly, "we can't put up a statue for every person who attended Harvard and died. If we did, this place would look like a cemetery."



"Oh, no," the lady explained quickly. "We don't want to erect a statue. We thought we would like to give a building to Harvard."





The president rolled his eyes. He glanced at the gingham dress and homespun suit, then exclaimed, "A building! Do you have any earthly idea how much a building costs? We have over seven and a half million dollars in the physical buildings here at Harvard."



For a moment the lady was silent.



The president was pleased. Maybe he could get rid of them now.



The lady turned to her husband and said quietly, "Is that all it cost to start a university? Why don't we just start our own? "



Her husband nodded. The president's face wilted in confusion and bewilderment.



Mr. and Mrs. Leland Stanford got up and walked away, traveling to Palo Alto, California where they established the university that bears their name, Stanford University, a memorial to a son that Harvard no longer cared about.



You can easily judge the character of others by how they treat those who they think can do nothing for them. ---- A TRUE STORY By Malcolm Forbes



This made me think of Violet. It makes you think twice about what you say to your little ones, I know it does me.



~~~ A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.

The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah."

The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?" The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."



~~~ A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing.

She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.

As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."

The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."

Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."

~~~ A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.

After explaining the commandment to "honor" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"

Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill."

~~~ The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.

"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.'

A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, she's dead."


~~~ A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood.

Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face."

"Yes," the class said.

"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"

A little fellow shouted, "Cause your feet ain't empty."



~~~ The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch.

At the head of the table was a large pile of apples.

The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching."

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.

A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples.



I have a few others, but I can't spoil all the fun in one post.

I hope all are doing well and I'm sure I'll see ya's later.

Peace out.

Who needs their oil changed??

Hope you guys enjoy this, I know I did. It kind of reminds me ooooof....... well me! (except for the beer and getting a DUI of course!)

I will actually write something next time. (he he!)


Oil Change instructions for Women:

1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee
3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.

Money spent:

Oil Change: $20.00
Coffee: Free
Total: $20.00

Oil Change instructions for Men:

1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for $50.00.
2) Stop by 7/11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20, drive home.
3) Open a beer and drink it.
4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under engine.
8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
1 0) Unscrew drain plug.
11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Cuss.
12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.
16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
17) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
18) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
19) Remember drain plug from step 11.
20) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
21) Drink beer.
22) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.
23) Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.
24) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess skin between knuckles and frame.
25) Begin cussing fit.
26) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
27) Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy.
28) Beer.
29) Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
30) Beer.
31) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
32) Beer.
33) Lower car from jack stands.
34) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps.
35) Beer.
36) Test drive car.
37) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
38) Car gets impounded.
39) Call loving wife, make bail.
40) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.

Money spent:

Parts $50.00
DUI $2500.00
Impound fee $75.00
Bail $1500.00
Beer $20.00
Total $4,145.00

(But you know the job was done right!) With Mr. Right!

What's up my peeps?!?!?!?!

I thought I would let everyone know that, thanks to Chris's help, I have a different E-mail address. Just look at my profile and presto!!, you have it.

Don't have alot to talk about, work suck's, but what can you do except keep on keep'in on!!

I leave you with this, another one of those just so funny E-mails I get from my lovely sis.

Lesson 1:> > A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel, " After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?" "It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies. "Great," the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"

Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Lesson 2:> > A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak." Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129 and It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."

Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

Lesson 3:> > A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish." "Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Puff! She's gone. "Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." Puff! He's gone. "OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."
Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.

Lesson 4> > An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?" The eagle answered: " Sure , why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Lesson 5> > A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy." "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story:
BullShit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

Lesson 6> > A little bird was flying south for the Winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!

It's nice to have good friends.........

True" Friendship

None of that Sissy Crap

Are you tired of those sissy "friendship" poems that always sound good,

But never actually come close to reality?

Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship.


1. When you are sad -- I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against

The sorry bastard who made you sad.

2. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

3. When you smile -- I will know you finally got laid.

4. When you are scared -- I will rag on you about it every chance I get.

5. When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how much

Worse it could be until you quit whining.

6. When you are confused -- I will use little words.

7. When you are sick -- Stay the hell away from me until you are well

Again. I don't want whatever you have.

8. When you fall -- I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.

9. This is my oath.... I pledge it to the end. "Why?" you may ask;

"because you are my friend".

Friendship is like peeing your pants,

everyone can see it,

But only you can feel the true warmth.


I was recently sent this and thought it was pretty darn funny. I hope ya'll enjoyed it as well.

All joking aside, I would like to throw a shout out about a couple of my good friends. This is for Bill and Chris. I know that I've already told you guys thank you for helping me out in my time of need and how much it meant to me, but I thought everyone else should know just how special you guys are. It sounds mushy, I know, but you guys are the best. (Bill, as you are reading this try not to think about the pink, oh I mean violet shutters!!!:-) )
I'm not going to make this a long and boring thing, so I'll just say it. Bill and Chris, while I was at your place I was treated better than I would've ever thought of being treated. Like a part your family. I don't know about everyone else, but that says something about what kind of people you really are. I know that I've already told you this guys, but if you ever need ANYTHING from me, just ask. It doesn't matter if you need a mediator for when you are arguing about the color of your............, let's just use shutters as an example, just call. I mean anything. (Bill, this does exclude all sexual favors of course, but anything else!)

Again, thanks guys. Love ya's.

So much to do and nothing but time.....

Well, it's Friday morning and let me tell ya, rain SUCKS! I had recently preplanned to take a couple of days off (yesterday and today) and wouldn't you know it, freaking rain! That's all right though, I'll still get all my plans accomplished with no problem. Stuff might just get a little wet. This was what I was to accomplish in 4 days.

First is definitely to finished getting moved. A little harder in the rain, but it still can be done.

Second would be to build a rack system for Donnie's new tents that he has recently bought. This will be the most time consuming but worth it. I actually started on it yesterday and probably got about 1\3 of it finished. The rest of the time that evening me, Josh, and Donny were wabbit hunting. This was quite interesting, but fun.

Third would be to get mine and Bill's lawnmowers Springatized! I purchased all the stuff to do this yesterday and will have it completed today before I leave to take Lilly's dance stuff to Mindy. It's that time of year for cutting the grass and it has to be done.

Fourth (and the coolest part of this weekend) is to get my tattoo. It probably won't take to long to get one of Roy Orbison on my ass would it?! The guy at the tattoo shop gave me a funny look when I asked for this. Sorry, bad movie humor, I had to throw a little humor some were in this damn thing though. There is no way in hell I would ever get that tattooed on my body.................................... well, if the money was right, maybe? You guys will have to just wait and see what it really is for yourselves.

Well, it's time to get busy and try to have some fun while I'm doing it.

Peace out yo. See ya on the flip side.